The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
