Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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