Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
