She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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