Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
