Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
