Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize