i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
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He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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