Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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