We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
