You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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