doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
