i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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