He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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