found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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