I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
