Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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