moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
