After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
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