I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
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