In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
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