I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
