I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
do herpes really smell.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
