The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
