Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
