So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
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