watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
