ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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