I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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