i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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