I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
