great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
