I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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