I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
