dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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