I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
