OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
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