he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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