so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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