One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
