that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
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I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
They took my balls.
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The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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