I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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