I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
