You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
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