I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
