Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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