Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
