Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
