So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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