I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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