who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
