tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
There's always time for handjobs
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
