I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Actions speak louder than pants.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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