i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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