Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
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Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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