i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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