whjeg hajt iyt
wanna hang out?
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?