i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
The best revenge is premature balding
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..