You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.