Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!