I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
People With No Siblings Will Never Understand These 23 Things
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
25 Seemingly Normal Things That Give Some People Massive Anxiety
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost