absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
i don't like sucking hair
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
