Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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