I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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