PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
