so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
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We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Can vaginas get frostbite?
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
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It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
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