suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize