How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize
