my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
